1. We’re guaranteed to make your day better, like a human version of pizza. Had a bad day at work? Get in a fight with your best friend? You know that if you call us up to hang out, we’ll get you laughing.
2. Funny guys are like garlic: bland stuff suddenly gets way better. We’ll make even boring stuff awesome. Do you have to go help your brother move out of his dorm? Bring us along. Awkward family wedding? Check and see if you get a plus-one.
3. We hate being called “funny guys.” On a personal note, I hate writing this and even self-identifying as being funny. If people introduce us as funny or ask us to tell a joke on the spot, we’ll retreat into our (probably) metaphorical shells.
4. Yes, we will make jokes during serious talks. Bear with us and don’t get mad. Sometimes we can’t resist making a so-bad-it’s-really-bad-and-almost-good pun or throwing out an actually good one-liner. These moments might come during a serious talk about where our relationship is headed. Brace yourself.
5. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be serious. Half the time we’re making jokes, we’re still taking things seriously. But we’re not about to start screaming, “HEY, GANG! WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH DEATH, HUH? WHERE DO WE GO WHEN WE DIE? WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?” at your great aunt’s funeral like some terrible stand-up. We are not insane.