Kids say the darndest things, right?! Whether someone is a parent to a child or has merely spent a lot of time hanging out with a kid, then it’s common knowledge thatÂ kids can say the craziest things. These little humans have no filter or sense of whatâs appropriate to say and when. If somethingâs on their mind or theyâre wondering about something, then theyâre going to let you know. And you better have an answer for them, because theyâre not going to stop talking about it until you do.
These parents share all the times their kids said something outrageous, and how they had to scramble to think of a reply- and most of their responses were funnier than the original questions! From kids asking cringe-worth questions, to makingÂ blush-inducing observances, sometimes you wish your kids would just put a lid on it. If one thing is for sure, you’re about to read a bunch of witty answers to shut your kid up the next time they say something off-color in public. Better than letting things get extra awkward!
What story are you the most surprised by? Make sure to let us know in the comments which response you think is the most hilarious, and the funny things youâve told your kids in the heat of the moment.
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Leslie* came up with one of the most elaborate excuses to explain why her daughterâs father wasnât involved in her life.
âI will never tell my daughter sheâs the result of a one-night stand. But itâs getting even harder trying to keep the truth from her.
The last time she asked me where her dad was, I lied and said he travels with the circus (since it was always my dream to have a clown as a dad). And once the circus came to town, I had to think of a lie as to why he wasnât with that circus.
The truth is, I donât know where her dad even is.â
Carla* had a hilarious time explaining to her toddlers where babies came from — letâs just say she made babies sound a whole lot more like vegetables than humans. But she gets an A+ for creativity!
âMy daughter had a Cabbage Patch doll when she was around 3 and was obsessed with it. One day she naturally asked me where babies came from.
I gave her an honest answer- where Cabbage Patch babies come from, duh. They grow up from the ground like vegetables. I think she got freaked out because she stopped playing outside in the grass for a few weeks.â
Naomi* came up with a laughable excuse as to what her daughter was hearing coming from the spare bedroom when they had guests over. Luckily, her daughter seemed to believe her!
âWhen my sister and her new boyfriend visited from out of town, my daughter was kept up all night by them getting busy in the spare bedroom. She didnât know what they were doing, so she asked me the next morning.
Mortified and unable to tell my 7-year old the real reason, I said they were pretending to be animals. For some reason, she was okay with that answer and didnât ask about it again!â
Margaret* had enough of her toddlerâs temper tantrum, so she told him that she was almost ready to call Santa if he didnât smarten up. And the threat worked!
âMy son was the worst when he hit the terrible threes, never listening to me and always just yelling âno.â One day he actually asked me why he should listen and I had the perfect response!
I told him I had Santa on speed dial and would call him to say that my son was acting up, so heâd get coal and not presents for Christmas. That actually got him to listen for once!â
Vicky* hilariously said to her son that parents get to choose their babies at the hospital, sort of like a store. Too bad she didnât think of how tough it would be to explain the truth when their family found out they were expecting another baby.
âMy son was four when he first asked where babies come from. I lied and told him parents go to the hospital to pick out the baby they want (sort of like going to a toy store), and then take it home. We had the hardest time telling him he couldnât come choose his baby sister when we got pregnant with no. 2.â
Rachel* awkwardly had to explain to her daughter what a street worker was without actually explaining the real meaning. Thank goodness she was a quick thinker!
âThere was a documentary on TV talking about a certain adult street profession. When my 3-year old daughter saw one of the ladies on the screen in a skimpy outfit and tons of makeup, she asked what type of party she was going to.
I totally didnât know how to respond, so I said she was going to a costume party. When my daughter asked what her costume was, I told her she was trying to look like Madonna.â
Lance* had to come up with an elaborate explanation when his son began asking what it meant to get their dog fixed.
âOur son was confused when we were getting our dog neutered, and for some reason got it in his head that the dog wouldnât survive. He was hysterically crying while we were trying to get everyone in the car.
To make him stop, I told him that dogs getting neutered is just like when humans get massages, peaceful and relaxing. So now every time mom is going to the spa, he replies by telling her to have a nice time getting neutered.â
Anicaâs* daughter was confused why every Santa Claus is different, so she had to come up with a conspiracy to explain this plot hole away.
âWhen my daughter was 7, she eventually caught on that all the Santas in the malls and at events arenât the same guy.
When she asked me why, I came up with a hilarious story about how Santa has spies everywhere to make sure that kids are being good. Regular dads volunteer to do the job every year to take the workload off of Santa.â
Sarah* had to scramble to come up with a response when her son tried talking about herÂ chest in public.
âMy son must have overheard me talking to my husband about the recentÂ augmentationÂ I got after we had our third and final child. He then thought it would be funny to ask âWhy did you have to fix your boobs?â while we were going through the check-out at the grocery store.
I was panicked and didnât know how to responds, so I quickly said, âyouâ and pushed the cart towards the door. I mean, breastfeeding was the real reason, so I wasnât technically lying to himâŠâ
Jenelle* decided to have some fun with her daughter when she was asked why her eldest doesnât take after her.
âI have three girls. My younger two look exactly like me, whereas my older one takes more after her dad. One day she randomly asked me why she doesnât look like me.
I decided to have some fun rather than explain to her how genetics work. I told her with a serious face that itâs because she was adopted. She believed it the entire day until I finally told her I was lying at dinner. Maybe that was too mean to say to my daughterâŠâ
Willow* had a hilarious time explaining how Santa is always able to tell if youâve been good or naughty. Luckily, her daughter took it as fact- well, a scary one that is!
âYou know that Christmas song that says Santa sees you when youâre sleeping and when youâre awake? My daughter got super freaked out by the song and demanded to know how that could be true.
I quickly came up with a lie that Santa is in the webcam. That he can see her even when mom and dad arenât around.
You should have seen her face!â
Brittany* wasnât expecting to have this much difficulty in explaining the difference between girls and boys.
âMy 4-year-old and 2-year-old daughters one day started debating what the difference between girls and boys were. My youngest said there was no difference, but the older one was then asking why we have separate bathrooms.
Not wanting to explain the different structure of girls and boys, I simply said it was because boys can go to the bathroom standing up. That confused my girls even more, to which I had to explain how boys are like dogs and just need to lift their legs up. I didnât realize how dumb that sounded until I repeated it now.â
Calista* came up with a hilarious excuse as to why her sonâs father was dressed up like Santa Claus.
âMy husband dressed up as Santa last year at our family party to hand out presents to the kids. But our 4-year old son recognized it was his dad and pulled his beard off.
He then became hysterical, demanding to know why Daddy was Santa and where the real one was.
He was ruining the magic for his little cousins, so I had to think of something quick. I said Daddy used to work with Santa and was helping him out this one time. When my son pressed more, I eventually said he had an internship with Santa when he was in college, and now they go for beers once a year.â
Tasha* found herself in an awkward position when her son wanted to know about the new woman who his father was seeing.
âWhen my husband and I got divorced, he moved in with the woman heâd been seeing right away. He didnât try to hide anything from our kids, so I wasnât surprised when my son asked why that lady sleeps in Daddyâs room at night.
I didnât want to be the one to explain to our 5-year old that Daddy has a new girlfriend. So I lied and said it was his co-worker and they have to do work stuff together late at night. I mean, she was his co-worker, so it wasnât that much of a lie.â
Everly* must have been mortified when her son pointed out her weight gain in public. Rather than letting her embarrassment show, this mama turned it into an opportunity for a lesson and told him this is the result of eating too much candy.
âWe were out in public and my son decided to ask why I was âso fat.â I didnât want to explain that this was the result of birthing 4 kids. So instead I told him this is what happens when you eat too much candy. He wouldnât touch his Halloween candy for a week!â