Kid Rock, most of us are thankful to know, was never actually running for Senate. Though both material and psychological damage has already been done by the mere idea of his candidacy, we were previously able to imagine that the world had begun to heal after learning that his bizarre performance art bid was never going to turn into anything real.
Well, Jimmy Kimmel Live! is here to remind you that, no, Senator Rock will always be a part of our cultural consciousness now. In a ‚ÄúLie Witness News‚ÄĚ segment from last night, everyday people were informed that Rock ‚Äėn‚Äô Roll Jesus himself had actually won himself a place on the Senate, even dummying up some footage from one of his concert tours to make it look like an acceptance speech.
The whole thing is by turns funny and horrifying, which is to say it‚Äôs sort of what you‚Äôd expect. There‚Äôs the usual stuff where people say they‚Äôve heard the made-up news despite it not existing, but there are also reactions that accept even his most ridiculous, Kimmel-invented policies as a sad new reality in American politics.
One woman is dismayed to learn that Rock ‚Äúplans to lower the age in Michigan to buy scratch-off tickets to 10″ until she hears that doing so may be a solution to prohibitively expensive college tuition. After hearing that his victory speech included the phrase ‚Äúno fatties,‚ÄĚ another pedestrian cuts Rock some slack by saying, ‚ÄúI feel like that could go one of two ways‚ÄĚ and that he could either be saying something offensive or ‚Äúreferring to a girl in a kind of good way.‚ÄĚ We also see reactions to policies like ‚Äúlegalizing and taxing crystal meth‚ÄĚ and opinions on whether he should go by Senator Kid Rock or a fictional birth name like ‚ÄúMud Critterson,‚ÄĚ ‚ÄúBoon Tippins,‚ÄĚ or ‚ÄúJunebug Finnegan.‚ÄĚ
When the clip finishes, you might think you‚Äôve returned to a more rational world where Rock is not a senator. Don‚Äôt let that feeling linger for too long, though. Even though Kid Rock‚Äôs entry to politics isn‚Äôt legitimate, there‚Äôs still The Rock‚Äôs presidential campaign slowly spinning up in the background. God only knows what sort of policies he‚Äôs got cooking.
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