AFTER yet another crushing loss in dodgeball on Wednesday night I was in desperate need of a happy fix.
Our third defeat in a row had me ready to storm out like a spoilt brat and punch something hard.
What I needed was an anger release and what better way to do that than with a good old fashioned laugh.
Which was pretty much guaranteed in this year‚Äôs first episode of The Bachelor.
I mean, if these 25 women are willing to debase and degrade themselves to the point that they did, then I have every right to laugh hysterically at their stupidity.
As my colleague rightly said ‚Äėit‚Äôs so bad, it‚Äôs good‚Äô.
We have a Bachelor sweepstake at work and thanks to my now former friend pulling a name out of a hat for me, I ended up with the craziest of the lot ‚ÄĒ energy healer Cayla.¬†
Now I‚Äôm all into alternative health and medicine, but Cayla looked like she‚Äôd just sucked down too many of her own natural remedies. Not only did she bring Aussie larrikin Bachelor Nick (who looks like a cross between a 1970s C-grade porn actor and a groodle) an amethyst to put by his bed ‚ÄĒ because he really looks like a spiritual kind of guy ‚ÄĒ but she wanted to do healings on everyone.
In the spirit of Aussie one-liners she‚Äôs a few sausages short of a barbie.
So to celebrate all that is superficial, embarrassing and cringeworthy about this horrendously degrading and comical show, we held a Bachelor party.
We laughed our way through the humiliating introductions, the awkward kisses, the cheesy one-liners, the lame gifts, the awful jokes, the immature cattiness and the over-the-top botox lips.
And we cried with laughter (and, in my case, awe) when sex-on-legs Dasha ‚ÄĒ who I‚Äôm positive is a Russian Sparrow on a mission to seduce defence secrets out of our Australian men ‚ÄĒ wrapped her legs around Nick‚Äôs neck and proceeded to do a couple of sit-ups, giving the Bach a perfect view of her ‚Äėmagic vlagalishche‚Äô. God, I wish I was born in Moscow.
However, what I couldn‚Äôt understand was the fact that all these women who had never met Nick before were all ready to fall in love with him (or into the pool in the case of Kayla G) after a few too many drinks at the cocktail party.
If that was me, I would have taken one look at him and run in the opposite direction as fast as possible (which I can do now thanks to my training) before he had the chance to say ‚ÄėYa up for a yarn darl?‚Äô, ‚ÄėLet‚Äôs chew the fat‚Äô or ‚ÄėNow there‚Äôs a sheila I could bring home to Mum‚Äô.
So, for all you fans out there, you can have honey badger all to yourself.
Unless of course, he falls in love (because that‚Äôs a huge possibility on a show like this).
And in that case, I‚Äôm team Dasha all the way!
Anyone with that kind of confidence and a sexy accent to match, has my vote.