Before she was Batwoman, she was a sexy she-wolf named Byanka.
Australia‚Äôs own Ruby Rose has just been announced to star as Batwoman in DC‚Äôs TV universe. If you‚Äôre not familiar with her work, should you be excited?
Ruby Rose has been carving out a curious niche in the acting world for a few years now, with her role in Orange is the New Black‚Äôs third season launching her to overseas success. She¬†will play Kate Kane in a big DC TV crossover later this year, and potentially go on to star as the Jewish lesbian crime fighter in her own Batwoman show.
Given that Ruby Rose has been steadily gaining bigger and bigger roles in blockbusters ‚Äď including giant-shark film¬†The Meg, which is just around the corner ‚ÄĒ playing Batwoman could really cement her stardom. Although if you go by The Meg‚Äôs IMDb page, she already is a star:¬†according to IMDb‚Äôs STARMeter, Rose gets top billing over Jason Statham.
As a star,¬†Rose is defined by a weird, inexplicable aura that permeates all her roles. She‚Äôs defined by Ruby Rose Energy.
Now, you‚Äôre probably familiar with the concept of Big Dick Energy, but you may not have heard of Ruby Rose Energy. Ruby Rose Energy is Big Dick Energy‚Äôs non-binary cousin. Ruby Rose Energy is effortlessly cool, but also quietly daggy.
It‚Äôs becoming a movie and TV star while always being slightly unable to escape your past as an MTV Australia VJ, or someone who got into a brief Twitter feud with Josh Thomas over unpaid Veuve at a Melbourne club. It‚Äôs having real life charisma disproportionate to what necessarily translates on screen ‚ÄĒ just like the good old days!
Ruby Rose Energy is being the first person to quit The 7pm Project. It‚Äôs not being recognisable to virtually anyone over 40, and dating a Veronica in the year 2018. As one commenter said on yesterday‚Äôs casting news, ‚Äúshe‚Äôs like, everything‚ÄĚ.
Make no mistake ‚Äď this is a loving tribute to Ruby Rose and the utterly specific, weird space she has carved out in Australian pop culture since the early 2000s. There‚Äôs a lot you can learn about Ruby Rose Energy from the names of characters she plays, so here‚Äôs a ranking of all the character names she is credited with playing on IMDb ‚Äď ranked by least-to-most Ruby Rose Energy.
Queer women: Please cast out queer actors in queer roles!!!
CW: *casts Ruby Rose*
Queer women: This is an attack
‚ÄĒ Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) August 7, 2018
Presumably as a result of some mix-up on the first day on set that no one was brave enough to correct, the name of Ruby Rose‚Äôs character in this clich√©-ridden Australian spin on Dangerous Minds is Hannah, while Christina Ricci‚Äôs is, no joke, Dino Chalmers.
It is with great regret that I must place Hannah at the bottom of this list, and that I cannot officially say that Dino motherfuckin‚Äô Chalmers is a perfect exemplar of Ruby Rose Energy.
Though her performance was terrific as a woman who more or less does nothing until she gets hilariously sucked into a giant fan, the character‚Äôs name ‚ÄĒ Abigail ‚ÄĒ has very low Ruby Rose Energy and, as such, sits near the bottom of the list.
Abigail is the name of a pretty girl you pretend to like in primary school so people don‚Äôt think you‚Äôre gay, not the name of a character played by devastatingly handsome genderfluid star Ruby Rose.
Though I will never watch this weird Crocodile Dundee tourism ad, I do appreciate the rich complexity of giving a Ruby Rose character a title and a position of authority. That said, in its most Ruby Rose form, ‚ÄėChief‚Äô would be the character‚Äôs given name, and as such it falls on the lower end of the scale.
Ruby Rose plays a mute assassin in the John Wick franchise, and her character is named for the Greek god of war ‚Äď which means we‚Äôre getting to the good shit.
But beyond the strong concept, it feels a bit pianissimo in execution; may I suggest it lengthens in John Wick: Chapter 3 to ‚ÄėAres McIliad‚Äô or perhaps ‚ÄėAres Bazooka‚Äô?
Ruby Rose Energy is about throwing subtlety to the wind.
I know what you‚Äôre thinking: what name could possibly be more Ruby Rose than ‚ÄėRuby Rose‚Äô?
Well, since her full birth name is Ruby Rose Langenheim, ‚ÄėRuby Rose‚Äô is technically only 44% of that, meaning it‚Äôs slightly below average Ruby Rose Energy.
My interest in Pitch Perfect 3: Aca-merican Imperialism is precisely zero, but Calamity is exactly the kind of Ruby Rose character name I come to IMDb to see.
Less impressive is the movie thinking that Ruby Rose-as-Calamity would be the front-woman of a generic guitar band called Evermoist instead of the lead singer of a desperately edgy Christian lady-rock group called SHEviticus, or GALatians, or The GeneSisters, and so on.
Calamity has the toughness of Ruby Rose Energy, but lacks that certain je ne sais quoi.
Where were you when all of America discovered Stella Carlin, and thus Ruby Rose, at once?
Was it the same place you were when Ruby tweeted about Katy Perry‚Äôs Witness, calling it ‚Äúpurposeful poop‚ÄĚ and ‚Äúbomb a petit‚ÄĚ? Or when she threw a ‚Äúsingular fry‚ÄĚ at a restaurant owner?
No name on this list better exemplifies the Ruby Rose Energy tendency to get into beefs with low-grade celebs that no one but tabloids would ever care about. Stella Carlin is what happens when Ruby Rose Energy gets captured in essence but lost in translation.
It‚Äôs trying just a little bit too hard.
The beauty of the current Golden Age of Ruby Rose Character Names is how often the names just sound like full sentences in and of themselves.
I already feel like I‚Äôve known this character my whole life. Like I‚Äôve already followed her journey from digital marketing graduate to Instafamous, gluten intolerant Byron Bay-based wellness blogger, which I am convinced is where Ruby Rose would be at without her tattoos.
Jaxx Herd is, frankly, incredible.
The Meg pic.twitter.com/QnTjRWjxx8
‚ÄĒ Ruby Rose (@RubyRose) July 31, 2018
What‚Äôs even more incredible is that this Ruby Rose character looks more like the human reboot of Charlize Theron‚Äôs haircut in Aeon Flux than any of the others (and they all do, a little) and honestly, I‚Äôm here for it.
Wikipedia says Bianca, but IMDb says Byanka, which is so Ruby Rose I can‚Äôt stand it.
And truly, is the root of the human condition not the internal war we wage over whether we are a Bianca or a Byanka?
Anyway, this movie looks bananas, Ruby Rose‚Äôs character is an overly sexualised she-wolf, and the script was co-written by someone who goes by the name ‚Äė1kg Sugar‚Äô.
If the idea of Ruby Rose playing a character named Wendy the Android (lol) on a Canadian sci-fi show makes you think, ‚ÄúHuh, I wonder if they made her a horny killer fuckbot?‚ÄĚ
The answer, unequivocally, is yes.
That they named her Wendy like she‚Äôs one of the nice mums working at a primary school tuckshop is just *Italian chef kiss* molto bene. It‚Äôs the perfect combination of ‚Äėmaybe this is the next step in human evolution‚Äô and ‚ÄėLorna Jane loyalty card owner‚Äô.
TheDailyMail.com Seriously Popular‚ĄĘ People‚Äôs Choice Award-loser Ruby Rose as‚Ä¶ Woman.
That‚Äôs it, kids.
That‚Äôs Ruby Rose Energy.
Laurence Barber is a freelance writer, editor and award-winning film and television critic based in Sydney. He is¬†on Twitter¬†@bortlb.