When I started ‚ÄúThe Saturday Funnies‚ÄĚ over a year ago, I had no idea how popular it would become. I should have known, since the way we have shared funny emails with each other for years. I promise you I get more emails than most and I hated to spoil their journey with my delete key. Seriously, I get hundreds of emails every day and as one who ‚Äúlikes funny, not filthy,‚ÄĚ the daily laughs have become a relentless blessing.
For example: This morning I got an urgent notice from ‚Äėthe National Weather Service‚Äô to be on the lookout for a wall of tornadoes that could hit Tennessee this Saturday ‚Äď and suggested the safest shelter may be Neyland Stadium in Knoxville ‚Äúsince they haven‚Äôt seen a touchdown there in years.‚ÄĚ
With each day, there are some emails that are really good yet don‚Äôt fit in ‚ÄúThe Saturday Funnies.‚ÄĚ Among those I earmarked not long ago was one on enigmas and another on things Omar B. Washington has learned in his life. As I share them, let me add that because my first-of-the-month ‚ÄúWalk In The Garden‚ÄĚ will be this Saturday, we‚Äôll have ‚ÄúThe Sunday Funnies‚ÄĚ this week.
* * *
THE BEST ENIGMAS WE HAVE READ THIS AUGUST
An ‚Äúenigma‚ÄĚ is a word we use to describe ‚Äúa person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand,‚ÄĚ according to the dictionary. That understood, here are some of the best that are floating around the Internet this week:
(1) Isn’t it weird that in America, our flag and our culture offend so many people, but our benefits don’t?
(2) How can the federal government ask U.S. citizens to pay back student loans, when illegal aliens are receiving a free education?
(3) Only in America are legal citizens labeled “racists” and “Nazis,” but illegal aliens are called ‚ÄúDreamers‚ÄĚ.
(4) Liberals say, “If confiscating all guns saves just one life, it’s worth it.‚ÄĚ Well, does it stand to reason that if deporting all illegals would save just one life, wouldn’t that be worth it?
(5) I can’t quite figure out how you can proudly wave the flag of another country, but consider it punishment to be sent back there.
(6) The Constitution: It doesn’t need to be rewritten, it needs to be reread.
(7) William F. Buckley said: “Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other points of view, and are then shocked and offended when they discover there are other points of view.”
(8) Joseph Sobran said: “‘Need’ now means wanting someone else’s money. ‘Greed’ means wanting to keep your own. ‘Compassion’ is when a politician arranges the transfer.”
(9) Florida has had 119 hurricanes since 1850, but some people still insist the last one was due to climate change.
* * *
THINGS THAT OMAR B. WASHINGTON HAS LEARNED
Some call what Washington wrote poetry while others believe it is a short story. What we can agree is that ‚ÄėI‚Äôve Learned‚Äô is absolutely delight and quite true. This has been reprinted countless times in the last 20 years and while there are many examples on Google, for instance, I was unsuccessful in my attempt to learn more about the author, Ober B. Washington. I‚Äôd give just about anything to ‚Äúlearn‚ÄĚ as much as he has:
I‚Äôve learned — that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I‚Äôve learned — that no matter how much I care, some people just don‚Äôt care back.
I‚Äôve learned — that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I‚Äôve learned — that no matter how good a friend is, they‚Äôre going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I‚Äôve learned — that it‚Äôs not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I‚Äôve learned — that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
I‚Äôve learned — that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you‚Äôd better know something.
I‚Äôve learned — that you shouldn‚Äôt compare yourself to the best others can do.
I‚Äôve learned — that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I‚Äôve learned — that it‚Äôs taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I‚Äôve learned — that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I‚Äôve learned — that you can keep going long after you can‚Äôt.
I‚Äôve learned — that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I‚Äôve learned — that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I‚Äôve learned — that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I‚Äôve learned — that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I‚Äôve learned — that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I‚Äôve learned — that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I‚Äôve learned — that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you‚Äôre down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I‚Äôve learned — that sometimes when I‚Äôm angry I have the right to be angry ‚Ä¶ but that doesn‚Äôt give me the right to be cruel.
I‚Äôve learned — that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I‚Äôve learned — that just because someone doesn‚Äôt love you the way you want them to, it doesn‚Äôt mean they don‚Äôt love you with all they have.
I‚Äôve learned — that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you‚Äôve had and what you‚Äôve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you‚Äôve celebrated.
I‚Äôve learned — that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I‚Äôve learned — that your family won‚Äôt always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren‚Äôt related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren‚Äôt biological.
I‚Äôve learned — that it isn‚Äôt always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.
I‚Äôve learned — that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn‚Äôt stop for your grief.
I‚Äôve learned — that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I‚Äôve learned — that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
I‚Äôve learned — that just because two people argue, it doesn‚Äôt mean they don‚Äôt love each other. And just because they don‚Äôt argue, it doesn‚Äôt mean they do.
I‚Äôve learned — that we don‚Äôt have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I‚Äôve learned — that you shouldn‚Äôt be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I‚Äôve learned — that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I‚Äôve learned — that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
I‚Äôve learned — that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I‚Äôve learned — that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I‚Äôve learned — that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I‚Äôve learned — that it‚Äôs hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people‚Äôs feelings, and standing up for what you believe.
I‚Äôve learned — that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.